Lily was the first of the white widows to be selected. It was her chosen name and made her sound like a delicate flower, ready to be plucked. She played the part well because this part of her resided in her still, despite all she had been through. Her frame was slight, her skin perfectly pale and untarnished. She even rolled her shoulders in to show she didn’t have the confidence to be a threat. Her power was spent trying to be good enough for those around her.
She was raised a good Catholic, told what to do, how to be and to feel shame for her urges. She abided, she belonged.
But when she was 11 and her neighbor, a few years older, showed her his penis in that closet with only a sliver of light illuminating the strange little thing and then told his friends she sucked it, the shame burrowed in her. Her head bowed down and constant stomach aches that could not be quelled erupted inside her.
Time passed but the feeling stayed. Every time she felt shame, the pain would light up. All the while her body was blossoming and with it her curiosity growing. At 16, with her light blond hair trailing past her shoulders, gentle hips swaying and small, peach-sized perky breast popping out from her frail frame, she felt overwhelmed from the attention.
One day, she decided to trust. He was her age with large brown, gentle eyes she could swim in. He went to her church, was dutiful about reading the Bible and was willing to wait until marriage to have sex….well, to have penetrative, vaginal sex. At first she had mixed feelings about seeing “it.” She flashed back to the moment in the closet—her curiosity and horror in the aftermath of her curiosity. He was patient and gentle and eventually she even enjoyed playing with it and watching it grow, finding herself aroused by the power of her hand and her mouth as she could make it change shape in an instant. She grew comfortable with him and was ready to marry him, giddy with excitement counting the months until she turned 18.
The night of her senior prom, they went to a party and had some drinks. Normally a good girl, she wouldn’t drink but this was a celebration. She had just turned 18. They kissed on the coach until more and more people showed up. She thought, tonight she would let him insider her. She was going to give him something to prove her devotion to him, without compromising her divine devotion.
They went upstairs and found an empty room that was dimly lit. She got on the bed on all fours and lifted the crinoline under her white dress revealing her creamy ass. It was an invitation. He approached and stroked the outside curves before bringing his hand between her legs on the outside of her lips. She felt a sizzle of electricity move through her up to her head and she purred softly. He stroked again but lingered, pulling back her lacy white panties to feel her juiciness.
This time he groaned loudly. He quickly unbuttoned his pants, letting them drop to the floor before taking his fully erect self and rubbing it against her a few times. He said, “Don’t tease me like this. I can’t wait.” She said, “I’m not. I want you to enter me but in the other hole.” She wished she could see his eyes light up but she didn’t need to. She felt his excitement with his quick movements, rubbing his fat tip against her wetness bringing it back, back and back again.
He entered, she grunted. He quickly stopped, “Am I hurting you?” She responded, “No, just go slow.” He obliged. Once he slowed down, she felt her body relax and all manner of sensation fill her once. He went in further and stopped and something new arose. It wasn’t turn on but it was interesting. Her curiosity grew. He took his other hand and stimulated her clit and then she started feeling aroused even rolling her hips and pushing back to help guide him to the spots she wanted to explore.
She let herself be immersed, left her mind and was somewhere else, somewhere she normally would never let herself go. Fully out of control, fully surrendered.
Then she heard it. She thought it was laughter but shook her head and ignored it. It got louder until something burst out of the closet. She lunged forward and rolled to the bed, covering herself. They were laughing hysterically. Two boys, one of them her boyfriend’s football teammate but also his nemesis. He had a phone in his hand. “Oh my god, I think we got. This is gold. Pure gold.” Her boyfriend interjected. “Not funny, give me the phone.” “No way, besides, it’s gone. I sent a clip to the team. Great job by the way. You performed well, maybe if you could take that direction on the field we would win some games.”
Her boyfriend drew back a fist and punched him squarely in the jaw. The other ran out of the room and before she knew it both young men where on the bed fighting. She scurried to the corner taking the covers with her not sure of what to do. Then she saw him on top of her boyfriend punching him over and over again in the face and she felt like it might be all over. She clenched her eyes together in terror not wanting to see this boy she loved pummeled to death, she screamed. When she opened her eyes again, she saw two boys pulling the large one off of her boyfriend. He was barely breathing. Time slowed down as she wept by his side until the paramedics came and took him away.
When she emerged from the room, her friends were nowhere to be found. A girl she thought was her friend looked at her in disgust and walked away. She called her parents but when her father picked her up, he looked angry. She wondered if he knew, imagined in that small town news traveled fast. He was the assistant high school football coach. She begged him to go to the hospital to see how her boyfriend was doing but he said “Not tonight.” He said nothing else to her the entire drive home. When they arrived, her mother wouldn’t look her in the eyes. No one was there for her.
She went to her room and stared at a wall until she began to unfreeze. The first symptom of the unfreezing was vomiting. Her stomach ached and she threw up over and over again, her body trying to purge herself of the emotion. She lay next to the toilet all night, eventually falling asleep until she woke up suddenly as the morning broke. Upon opening her eyes she felt the anguish again, the pain was unbearable. She had no where to turn but she had to get free, she had to get outside. Something was calling her to go to the place she felt safe as a child, to go into the woods. She ran barefoot down the road behind her house and up the hill until she got to the overlook.
Despite the beauty of the sun coming up, she knew what would be in store for her that day and the next day after that for years to come—more angry faces, more embarrassment, more shame. She knew she wasn’t strong enough to face them. With no allies, with no protectors, she was doomed. Filled with despair, she stepped off that ledge into the canyon below.
She never passed out tumbling down the 30 feet slope before a branch hooked on her dress and brought her to an abrupt stop. Instead, she felt each part of body part pound against the earth. She felt each small stones embed into flesh as she ground her way down. She felt skin tear and split open by thickets latching on and pulling against the weight of her body.
When the movement stopped, she felt it all. Her body, this body was on fire but…her mind was still. It was something she had never experienced. She stayed and even found some pleasure in the sensation. Then, realizing she was hanging by a few threads, she knew she had a choice.
She climbed up the canyon, feeling her muscles, her bones and her will to live. As she emerged, white dress torn and bloodied and full of dirt, she had never felt so alive and powerful. It was the moment when everything changed.
She arrived home, seeing her mothers face in horror as she passed by her on the way to the shower. She left the dress on the floor and stepped into the running water, letting it soothe her while she pulled the thickets, stones and sticks out of her skin. She tended carefully to her wounds and patted herself dry. She found some old grey jogging pants that felt smooth against her skin and a soft t-shirt and pulled her hair in a ponytail. Looking in the mirror, she saw someone new looking back at her. While her face was scratched and her cheek bone bruised, her eyes had a glow, a richness and were bluer then ever before.
She had a choice about what was next. Of course, she would go see the young man whom she loved. But her goals were larger now, the world was larger. More was possible.
She wasn’t going to be limited anymore. She wasn’t going to let anyone else dictate the terms of her life anymore. She was going to find allies. She was going to find freedom. And that is when the Lily fully bloomed.
Wow! A punch into the stomach! Lily deserves to bloom above all expectations👊🏻👍🏻