Anger as Fuel, as Fire

Don't fear it, friend it.

Anger has always been with me but only recently have we become allies. If turned inward, she would burn me out. If expressed with a flick of her fire laced tongue, she would burn it ALL down. 

Now, I choose to harness the element that drives her, the fire that resides within. 

Using her potency, her fuel to forge form around this sweet spirit, she reminds me of my “fuck no” brings light to my “fuck yes”, my needs and my desires and tells me that I matter, too. She still gets expressed, just as an animal shows its teeth before lashing out but devastation doesn’t always follow in her wake. 

I have so much get off in embracing this part of my fiery nature: 

*In fully feeling—not fearing, my anger; 

*In seething in a rage container where I get to consciously play out all the roles—victim, perpetrator and even resentful rescuer; and

*In propelling me into action to improve my life and those around me;

*In using the energy behind anger's partner emotions, like rejection and even another's disgust to derive more power. 

Many fear the fire that comes along with this emotion and the “fight” in themselves, especially for many women who are more comfortable in freeze or flight response to manage conflict. For good reason as it can be dangerous if used haphazardly. 

With practice, anger gives me access to my fire and helps me find my power, shapes my voice and illuminates the tender spots that need tending to after the eye of the firestorm has done its job. 

It's not the only element to be used but it may just be what is needed.

***

I wrote this poem two years ago to the day. Everything I knew had come crashing down—my parents lives taken, my source of income gone, my marriage destroyed, my stability shattered. This is what came through:

“I have a new creature in my body and she is seething and scares the rest of them into submission. She’s not quite human and is going to make sure she is heard, she is seen. She’s groundless. She does not like light as she is light to the extreme, she is fire and burns the others out. She is pure destruction. Ignited by betrayal, she tells a true tale of original sin, being abandoned by God time and time again and when she was burnt on the cross, her faith in humanity melted away alongside her flesh. And she isn’t being extinguished by the endless string of tears pouring out. It’s time to not fear her but make friends with her.”

It feels appropriate for our time. Let’s find our power and harness this energy.

All is not truly lost. We just have yet to be found.